Wrestlemania 33 Predicitons

We breakdown the Wrestlemania 33

Here's our Panel

Kyle Olson (Are We Rolling, 86,000 Words)

Dustin Monson/Scott Story (Are We Rolling)

Cheyne King (Are We Rolling, Character Work, Fantasy Hangover)

Carl Rottman (Fantasy Hangover)

Gabe Dumas (Character Work, Be Kind Rewind)

Zack Eldridge (Fantasy Hangover)

WWE Universal Championship

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Kyle-  Brock Lesnar

The most logical move going forward. A continued Goldberg title reign I feel would be awful for the title. Brock Lesnar can at least have good matches when he's around as opposed to Goldberg who needs to crush everyone to still look credible.

Dustin-  Obviously I am going to have to go with Brock Lesnar…

It seems like WWE logic would have it, end the feud with Brock going over to “even the score”.  However… If Goldberg is going to be sticking around for awhile, more matches between the two may happen..  If you lose the title you are supposed to get an automatic rematch, so perhaps this feud won’t be over… But I think this is the match with the biggest chance at a swerve where Goldberg ends up 3-0ing Lesnar..  Goldberg isn’t my official prediction but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Cheyne- Goldberg.

Everyone believes it’s going to be Lesnar. It makes sense to be Lesnar. It should be Lesnar. Goldberg wins, not in a squash this time. Goldberg holds the belt until Summerslam as a part time player.

Carl- Brock Lesnar.  

It makes sense.  It’s been hyped since Survivor Series and after getting ragdolled twice by Goldberg I don’t see the guy who beat the streak losing 3 in a row to Middle aged dad Goldberg.

Gabe- BbbbROCK LLLLLESNARR

That was with my best Paul Heyman impression. It’s the logical choice, but Mania has been known to throw in some surprising results. I’d like to throw in an early prediction of Summer Slam: The Beast Vs. The Demon King, with Finn beating Brock.

Zack- Brock Lesnar.

They can't make Lesnar 0-3 against him. And WWE hasn't had a part time champ with a long run for a couple years so they are due to not have the focus of the show be the top guy there

WWE Championship

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Kyle- Bray Wyatt

Bray needs this win more than Orton does. He's had so many starts and stops to his momentum. He needs a solid wrestlemania win over a credible opponent .

Dustin- Randy Orton

Bray definitely needs the win more than Randy.  From a storyline standpoint, it seems like it is all building toward Randy overcoming the Wyatt Family..  I think Bray may win it back in the next couple PPVs, but I think the big one goes to Randy.. Not saying that is what I want from this, its just what I think will happen.

Cheyne- Bray Wyatt,

WWE can’t keep ruining Bray’s pushes, can they? Randy doesn’t need the belt, he’ll draw no matter what. Bray getting the big win at Mania makes you instantly forget about the fails they’ve had in the past when abruptly ending Bray’s pushes.

Carl- My heart says Wyatt (I just want him to win so badly) but I’m going with Randy Orton.

 I don’t like it, but I think the WWE puts the title on someone they are comfortable and then possible move forward with a Styles-Orton feud in the future. But please god let me be wrong...

Gabe- Bray Wyatt -

Especially after rubbing that dirt all over him.

Zack- Bray Wyatt….

Just please WWE give one of the most talented characters on your brand a chance to succeed, putting the title on Orton does nothing for his career, but could be a career defining moment for Bray. Also #DontRewardArson

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Kyle- AJ Styles

Another logical choice Styles should be highlighted as one of the top performers on Smackdown and could also be a write off for Shane McMahon from TV for a little while if WWE decides to do that.

Dustin- AJ Styles…

Come the fuck on

Cheyne- AJ Styles

I’m still half convinced he jumps Shane backstage and they say Shane can’t wrestle, giving us Nakamura v Styles. If that happens it’s Nakamura, but that’s just a pipe dream. Still this match could one of the best of the night, because AJ can get 4 stars with a paper bag.

Carl- AJ Styles.  

It makes no sense to have Shane McMahon win unless they are trying to move Styles to Raw...in which case it still wouldn’t make sense. Have him beat up the Commish, commish gets pissed, sends him to Raw for Sasha Banks or something.  

Gabe- AJ Styles will win, but the match will be spectacular.

Zack- AJ Styles.

The best performer in the WWE, or a commissioner of a show who was gone for years and has been in 2 matches since his return over a year ago. But seriously this feud is dumb, I think it is a way to get AJ to Raw which apparently they have wanted to do for a bit now because Vince McMahon hates Smackdown

Triple H vs. Seth Rollins

Kyle- Triple H

with a part time Champion Raw will need as many strong programs as possible going forward and a short term post mania feud between Rollins and Triple H could do just fine for the next couple months as the odds are stacked against Rollins and he will have to overcome. Expecting Samoa Joe interference to cost Rollins the win here but will be redeemed at the next Raw show when Rollins has the numbers evened up with assist from Finn Balor

Dustin- Seth Rollins

This is going to probably be a clusterfuck, especially with Joe lurking around.  Finn is either returning to save Rollins or the Raw after, probably in a similar capacity either way, head to head against whatever this new Authority faction is.

Cheyne- I guess Rollins?

I think it should end as a no contest, but it’s Mania where every storyline needs an ending. It’s possible that Trips gets the win with Joe’s help, but that just doesn’t feel like where the feud would end.

Carl- Seth Rollins

I think Seth Rollins wins, but only via DQ with interference from Joe.  I think Joe comes out and starts to beat the shit out of Rollins to protect HHH late in the match when Rollins has some momentum going.  I also think this would be a good time, while Rollins is getting interfered with to have the lights go black and have Demon Balor come on out and whoop some ass.  “Hey Seth, I know you fucked my shoulder up, but we good homie” -Finn Balor

Gabe-  N/A

I don’t care… I really don’t want to see Triple H beating up a cripple. I am excited to see the fallout of this match, though. As in Finn Balor. I’m more excited about that return than this match. If I had to choose a winner, I’ll go Triple H.

Zack- Seth Rollins.

Give the win to Seth Rollins, have Joe and Owens come out Monday to Evolution music and suits and now Triple H can play Ric Flair, Joe can play Triple H, and Owens can play Orton.

Raw Women’s Championship

Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

Kyle- Hey we want some Bayley

Dustin-  Sasha Banks

I think this whole thing was fucked up because a Bayley win at mania would have meant a lot to the fans.. But I think this is a big swerve and Sasha wins with a heel turn.

Cheyne- Nia Jax.

This is elimination match, so I think final two will be Nia Jax and Bayley, with Bayley losing due to the Sasha Banks heel turn. Nia will pin Sasha, Sasha freaks and hits bayley with the Banks Statement, Nia hits….whatever and wins. Charlotte/Nia feud and Sasha/Bayley feud leaving Mania.

Carl- I want to say Nia just to be a contrarian ass-hat, but I won’t.  I think this could be an interesting moment to see Sasha go heel and possibly turn Charlotte face...possibly...probably not at all. Eh, I think Charlotte wins, Bayley costs Sasha the win, Sasha goes heel on Bayleys sweet ass.

Gabe- Sasha.

She’s got that Bank Statement.

Zack- Charlotte.

Best female on the roster now, plays the b**** role SO well. She deserves to be at the top of the mountain. Seeing Nia win would also be cool for a change of scenery.

The Undertaker vs Roman Reigns

Kyle- Roman Reigns

Turn him heel!!

Dustin- Roman Reigns

Reigns is going to win and this will forever solidify him never getting cheered in a wrestling ring again, regardless if Taker gives him props or not…(The Rock couldn’t even do it).  So hopefully they steer into that and just make him heel but somehow I doubt it.

Cheyne- I….I don’t even want to predict this match. My heart wants Taker to win, but the only way that happens is with Strowman interference. If Strowman interferes, Taker takes him out then Reigns hits Taker with a spear when he turns around, finally the Heel Turn happens and Reigns starts getting cheered by Survivor Series and we all lose.

Carl- God Reigns is going to fucking win clean. We’re all going to hate it.  Taker’s last match is going to be a huffing and puffing, 20 minute, arm cocking, throat slitting, whoo-ahh-ing,  shell of what a Taker Wrestlemania match should be.

Gabe- I’ll go Taker. He looked pretty mad at Reigns at the Rumble!

Zack- #^@_×<÷&>@×^ Roman Reigns @^!$×:-^$^#^×;@&÷^$ Taker never should have lost the streak to begin with...stupid

US Championship

Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Kyle- Kevin Owens

again with raw having a part-time champion all the other programs need to mean more. Putting the United States title on a guy like Kevin Owens and focusing in the show around him will be a good starting point.

Dustin- Owens

Part Time technically (even though he is running full time while he is there).  He has fozzy tours coming about I am sure, summer is coming.  He got to beat styles last year so I don’t think he is going to take a big win against another fresh main eventer.

Cheyne- Kevin Owens, I mean I love Jericho but even if they try to book him to win I think he would say no and make them give KO the win. After the Goldberg no match you need KO to win this and keep himself as the top Heel on Raw.

Carl- KO.  You already have a part time champ as the Universal Champ, you can’t have all the titles be part time things...it just..you can’t.  Also Fozzy.  Although, this is going to be an awesome match I believe.

Gabe- KO, because he’s got that mean streak now. Although I hope that wouldn’t mean Jericho would take a step back from the limelight as a result because he’s more over than he’s ever been right now (well maybe not “ever been,” but a lot of people go crazy for him)

Zack- Owens. What Kyle said...and also Fozzy is going on tour

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

Kyle- John Cena and Nikki Bella wedding at Summerslam.

Dustin-  E network wins, wrestling fans lose.

Obviously cena is going to propose to Nikki after they win and if she acts surprised we will know reality TV is as worked as pro wrestling…  and if she honestly doesn’t see this coming… fuck off.

Cheyne- Quadruple wardrobe malfunction, everyone wins?

Carl- Cena & Bella.  In a dramatic twist, the zombie corpses of Ms Elizabeth and Randy Savage interfere with the celebration and state that they were the best wrestling couple of all time.

Gabe- JC & NB. Although, those “Total Bellas Bull****” bits on smackdown were wonderful!

Zack- let's be honest...everyone including the fans are losers here

Intercontinental Championship

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Kyle- Baron Corbin

Corbin's streak continues. And another loss at Wrestlemania finally causes the Lunatic Fringe to snap and go full heel.

Dustin- Corbin probably

I would prefer Ambrose but that is mostly just because I am more of a fan of him.  This match honestly does nothing for me.  Ambrose went from WWE champ to IC Champ almost immediately and he played it off like “eh good enough”.  Lazy storytelling I thought.  Corbin wins to hopefully get Ambrose back at the top, or feuding with top guys.

Cheyne- Corbin, making him the tweener they want Ambrose to be. Ambrose hopefully goes heel and jumps into a bigger feud closer to the top of the card. Orton/Ambrose maybe?

Carl- Corbin.  He’s been the only Andre the Giant tourny winner to actually get something close to a push.  I think he wins the belt and Ambrose goes full heel on him. (or what kyle said, haha)

Gabe- Dean Ambrose. I really don’t like Baron Corbin. I think he’s boring and has no charisma. He always looks bored instead of mean. I’m choosing Ambrose for that reason alone.

Zack- Corbin. Always been a fan of both but Ambrose has grown almost unwatchably(yes I just made up that word) stale. Good face, GREAT heel

Smackdown Women’s Championship

Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Mickie James vs. Carmella vs. Naomi

Kyle- Naomi

Assuming she can return this will be the feel good moment of Mania along with the Cena proposal in a sea of heels winning.

Dustin-  Mickie James

I feel like getting a veteran in the mix as your champ will help the division more.  She is still at the beginning of her big comeback and a win at mania would be a huge statement.  Of course if Asuka is moving up… then this is all out the window, I would think it would be better for Asuka to come up on Smackdown after mania and work her way up to Mickie or whoever wins at Summerslam.

Cheyne- Natalya,

Giving her the Zack Ryder moment, she then loses it the Tuesday after Mania.

Carl- Naomi...unless Asuka is there, then it’s in an instant Asuka.  It’s Asuka’s belt now. No one else. Only Asuka. She terrifies me and it’s oddly hot.  

Gabe- Becky Lynch.

That’s who I’d like, but honestly I’d be perfectly okay with any of them winning because they could really go a lot of places with anything. The Smackdown Women’s Division is hot right now, has been since the brand split. Responding to Zack, if Asuka does get promoted to the main roster, Raw could really use her, simply because out of the two divisions, Smackdown has more talent and storylines than Raw.

Zack- Asuka.

Naomi is the hometown girl but Asuka has run out of women to kick the shit out of in NXT. The girl has never even lost on NXT, until Takeover tomorrow.

Cruiserweight Championship

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Kyle- Austin Aries

I really don't care who wins I just expect this to be match of the night. Other matches may have better moments but overall this should be a classic.

Dustin- Aries

Really establishes a top babyface in the cruiserweight division, him and Neville can feud back and forth to Summerslam, but I think a win for Aries is the beginning of that.

Cheyne- Aries, if Neville wins there is nowhere to go with the cruiserweights. With an Aries win they can feud for some time while they build up the next big challenger. I assume Tozawa.

Carl- I think Aries wins, this should be a spot filled match, with the potential (as long as it’s given enough time) to be one of the best matches the WWE has seen in years.

Gabe- Austin Aries. I admit I don’t watch NXT or 205 Live so I don’t know a whole lot about Aries, but I have heard great things. I’m excited to see this match most.

Zack- Neville. Gets his true first threat to his title, but like Kyle said this is likely the best on the card

Raw Tag Team Championships Ladder Match

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs. Enzo and Big Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus

Kyle- Enzo and Cass

My pick to kick off the show and start the crowd with something positive! With the big win for the fan favorites.

Dustin- Enzo/Cass

They didn’t get their big win in NXT so I think this is why.  Only team out of the 3 to not have the titles so the win would be bigger, move onto a feud with Cesaro and Sheamus afterwards most likely as they are the 2 most over tag teams on raw.

Cheyne- Cesaro and Sheamus.

I would rather Enzo and Cass, but I’m not sure you can really keep Cesaro and Sheamus together much longer without putting the belts back on them. They’re super over, probably more so than Enzo and Cass since WWE didn’t do anything with them of relevance for the longest time.

Carl- Enzo and Cass.  

They finally get the belts and make room for some new heel tag team to come up from NXT to take them on (Revival?) ORR THE HARDY BOYZ COME BACK! OMGLULZLADDARZCHAIRZLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Gabe- Cesaro & Sheamus, and dedicating the win to Mick Foley.

Zack- Enzo and Cass...but to be honest, WWE doesn't care, so why should I? New Day got one rematch and then shoved to the bottom of the barrel after being champs for 15 months.

Andrea the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Kyle- BRAUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Dustin-  SAMI ( I’ll go for it)

Carl made the smarky hopeful joke and made the obvious answer being braun.. But I think there is a chance Sami may actually get the big win for once.

Cheyne- Mojo Rawley………………….God I wish I was joking. Braun has a bigger spot later in the Taker Reigns match, so he doesn’t need to win here. WWE loves him for, reasons? They want a way to try and push him, here’s one I guess?

Carl- Guys...what is Braun’s push was just an elaborate way to have SAMI ZAYN COME INTO THE PICTURE AND BEAT HIM AT THE BATTLE ROYAL AND START HIS ASCENT INTO GREATNESS?! (naw...Braun crushes everyone and then eats the trophy)

Gabe- Let’s go CM Punk. Oh my God, how crazy would that be?? The crowds all chant his name still...

Zack- Braun...give the guy his push back, he has been one of the best things going on the Raw roster since before the Rumble. How do you give a guy his push? Have him beat up Reigns. How do you kill a push? Have Reigns pin him.

Smackdown tag titles?

Kyle- just hope they get on the show

Dustin- Team Hell No

Cheyne-Dave Bootista and Dave Bluetista

Carl- Wait...what’s going on with these?

Gabe- Usos retain. I don’t really care, though.

Zack- Slater and Rhyno...Slater’s got kids man… but seriously without a match listed I have no clue